Losing my Grandfather.

 Where do I start, it's never easy losing a loved one. Everyone grieves differently when it comes to death. New year day I lost my grandfather. He passed away in his sleep and when I found out I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The amount of pain that filled my heart that morning. I still remember that day like it was this morning. I was in my bed watching a friend stream on Facebook. I hear my father say something but couldn't make out the words. Then my mother got up and opened my door then I heard my father crying. I was lost and didn't know what was going on. I asked my mom what happen, and she said, "Your grandpa passed away." I stepped back off the bed almost falling, and I started shaking. I could hear my self-screaming on the inside. I fell to the floor and a panic trying to process what I just heard. My mother was comforting my father and trying to get me to breathe. I jumped up to go find my big brother. I couldn't even bring myself to say anything all I could do was cry. I fell once again in the kitchen floor my heart felt so heavy. I didn't know what to do or how to feel but I knew soon my anxiety was going to take a turn for the worst, so I called a friend. As she set on the phone trying to get me to calm down, I couldn't help but think did this happen because of the fall he had after my birthday. I remember telling my brother how I didn't want to lose my grandfather. I just had a bad feeling about that fall he had, and he didn't want to go to the hospital. He never complained of any pain or being sick since then. I thought he was fine, I thought things in our lives would be different. Since the day he passed, I have been sick with covid and out of work. I haven't been sleeping or eating much which I know that's not health at all. I try to but I can't. I haven't cried as much because it's like my brain is suppressing the thought of him being gone. I know this Friday and Saturday is going to be harder than any one can imagine. I'm not mentally nor emotionally prepared for this. I wish it was a dream, I wish I can just wake up and call him and hear his voice one last time. See his face and smile and hear him tell the story from when I was young. I love you and miss you so much grandpa. Always&forever until we meet again.